There's something wrong with my Sky box. Every time I leave the room, when I return, it has changed itself over from beaming in BBC 3/Sky Sports/Sky News/E4 to UKTV Food.
My girlfriend, normally in the room, insists she knows not how this happened and continues to pretend not to fully understand how the Sky programme guide works.
But, whatever the reason for this strange behaviour on the part of my Sky box, it has helped cement my fear of cookery programmes.
Jamie, Nigella, James (Martin), Gary and Delia, all wonderful people I'm sure (although I have my doubts about the latter given her love of Norwich City) but by God they're great at making you feel inferior.
And I've never really fully understood the notion of a cookery programme in the first place because a) it's never done in real time and b) are you supposed to watch it in the kitchen while you do it and try to keep up with the pro?
For those reasons, I'd given the F Word a wide berth for now. Gordon Ramsay is an immense talent, and Kitchen Nightmares is one of the best programmes ever to come out Channel Four.
That was, until last night. And immediatley realised that it wasn't, actually, a cookery show (although I did learn subconsciously how to make a tuna and egg salad).
Each week, a team of contestants take on the challenge of cooking with Gordon in a special restaurant. They win or lose against teams from previous weeks depending on the number of people prepared to pay for the food.
Despite being in its second series, The F Word contestants still believe they can prove Gordon wrong. But the loud, cocky, Cockneys from sarrf Landan learnt quickly that there will only ever be one winner in such a battle - Gordon.
Celebs drop in and drop out of the restaurant - David Guest and Janet Street-Porter last night - learning about food, but the reason I'll be watching next week is to find out where his sheep go next.
Bascially, he's got a small flock of sheep in his garden, presumably so he can shock the nation at the end of the series by killing them. But they've eaten all of his lawn. So, along with Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall, they moved them on to Sarah Beaney's house.
Random? Not quite as random as it gets next week, when they rock on up to Beckingham Palace as guests of Posh and Becks!
Great fun, and nothing like a food programme at all!
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