Don't leave the house tonight. Not even if you're heading to Anfield for the match. Someone's waiting to fleece you.
Paranoia? Not a bit of it. It must be true. Why else would the BBC be showing Watchdog (BBC 1, 8pm) and Rogue Traders (BBC 1, 8.30pm) back-to-back?
Talk about rogue overload. First off we'll have Nicky Campbell giving some harrassed exec the bright-light treatment in a way which leaves you suspecting that Campbell believes this middle manager from St Helens Glass/Hoover/Vauxhall can lift the lid on a 21st-century Watergate.
And no sooner have we recovered from that than we have Mark Allwright (wrong name for a consumer programme) getting on his motorbike to expose all sorts of dodgy traders. General rule of thumb: If your tradesman only has a mobile phone number on the side of his van, don't do business.
The thing about Watchdog is that it used to be public service TV. Anne Robinson, bone fide journalist, would present the stories of woe and then put the companies on the spot. Job done. Now, though, with former game show host Nicky, it's too over the top. That knowing look from under his glasses which tries to suggest 'we know the score' and that awful studio which tries to create the sense that a crack tream of researchers are ready to save you from that next cold caller. Bobbins. BBC fakery at its worst.
And in many ways, Rogue Trader is no better. It might set itself out as 'exposing untrustworthy roofers' as indeed the blurb for tonight's programme does, but it's more about the entertainment. The shock factor which makes us go 'how does he think he'll get away with that?' as the roofer proceeds to put the slates on with blu-tak (I'm not saying that's what does happen in this programme but I'm just giving you a flavour of what might go on, somewhere.)
We sit there smugly as the roofer/plumber/decorator slowly uses the metaphorical rope he has been handed by the presence of secret camera in the house and await the Roger Cook-style entrance at the end by Allwright (No, he's not), clad in bike leathers ready to zoom off on his next mission.
Sure, it might drive one dodgy tradesman out of business, but is the expense, effort and energy put into it really worth the result? In a word, no. But it's good consumertainment [copyright 2007 Remote Control] and don't let anyone tell you it's anything other than that.
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