Some great gags on Live at the Apollo tonight:
"On Big Brother, on eviction night, don't let the ones not being evicted hear the cheers or the boos as someone goes out. Let them just hear silence. Then a gunshot."
"Did you hear about the 63-year-old who gave birth this year? The baby won't have struggled to get out. It might as well have been on a bungee rope for the last three months. Every time she went to the toilet, the baby adopted the brace position."
"Geri Halliwell. The next I want to see her draped in a Union Jack is when she returns from combat in Iraq."
"They reckon the baggage handler to stopped the Glasgow Airport bombings saved thousands of Scots from being burnt. Hang on, these are Scots going to Spain for a holiday. How did he stop them getting burnt? Invent Factor 1,000 sunblock?"
It is for those reasons above and many, many more, that the BBC must make it their top priority to give him his own show. Any show. But preferrably one that results in the awful, awful Omid Djalili - who incidentially only describes himself as 'one of Britain's best stand-up' on his website. No mention of the word comedian.
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