I was in London earlier this week, and in all of those newspapers the rather demented yet brightly-coloured folk push into your hands whenever you approach a train station, people were writing about the return of The Apprentice.
Having successfully completed my own Apprentice-style challenge - managing to defeat the railway system and actually get home at a reasonable hour, and getting a seat for the entire journey - I then saw the first tv trailor for the Apprentice.
My heart sank.
This time last year, I had just come off working nights and was looking forward to the last series of The Apprentice. And then I realised it had gone all Big Brother on us - simply trotting out a tired old formula using a collection of people chosen primarily so we hate them, or their fellow contestants hate them.
And so it was that a group of 20-somethings who believed they had to act like dreadful charicatures from Thatcher's 80s got their fame, once a week, on BBC1. In truth, for me, the main Apprentice show merely became the meat which Adrian Chiles and co would chew, digest and spit back out on the spin-off show over on BBC 2 later in the evening. That bit was fun - watching the egos squirm in front of a TV audience. Rather like Match of the Day - 10 minutes of a Middlesbrough game, carefully analysed, beats watching the 90 minutes live any day.
Ultimately, there isn't really anything entertaining about the Apprentice any more. Sir Alan Sugar dishes out challenges, which, in the main, don't demonstrate any business acumen other than remaining in Sir Alan's good books, and even watching the contestants try and do that has lost all its appeal.
To make it watchable, it needs to be a bit different. I would get rid of this idea of Sir Alan as God and instead, each week, three of his business chums (who always seem keen to get involved) choose who goes. Immediatley, you make the programme much more unpredictable (you can tell who Sir Alan is going to fire when you watch the "next time" sequence by working out which way he is facing).
Also, why not chuck in a few constestants who don't believe acting like they should have a Mk I Nokia stuck to their ear shouting "sell sell" is the only way to get on in commerce. How about an up-and-coming Anita Roddick, or a social entrepreneur, someone who believes that business should be for the good of the community?
Alas, that doesn't appear to be happening this series. "I'm here to win, at all costs" says one of the contestants on the trailer. "Words are my tools," says another. "I have the drive to win" chips in a third. Shut up! The adverts don't help - slow-motion shots of obsessed, smart-suited muppets barging each other out of the way to get somewhere. Where? What's the point when there's a recession coming?
The Apprentice could still be good. But not this time (Wednesday, BBC 1, 9pm)
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